It happens.

I thought I'd make an effort to post one more blog before my life offically ends tomorrow.

Spring break went too fast. Scratch that. Let's just call it time-to-catch-up-on-other-nursing-work-you've-been-putting-off-to-study-for-a-nursing-final-and-patho-midterm-and-research-project-and-a-lot-of-other-stuff "break". i spent the first night of "break" doing 9 hours of clinical paperwork. i spent the other 5 days of "break" writing a 10 page research paper. OH and THENNNN i got sick. with acute bronchitis and an upper resp. infection, which i am currently still battling. WOOOO!

[you won't see THAT kind of spring break on MTV. who needs boobs & beer with reality like that? shit's real!]

i did have some fun. with a certain someone.

butttttt reality will set back in as I start off the week with 13 hours of class. Oh yes, you heard me right. THIRTEEN HOURS. i wish i could give myself some sort of pep-talk--it might go like this: "self, just think of it this way. first class coming off of spring break is thirteen hours long, it can only get better from here, right!?" WRONGGGG. it'll get worse. much worse. if you think sitting in 13 hours of class is miserable, just think of all the material they teach you and expect you to REMEMBER! sitting there doesn't seem so bad after all.

on the bright side, in 6 more weeks i will be a senior. faoiejfa;ojefa;oivjawoenvaowiref!!!!!!!!!!!!!! a senior. in college. holy crap. i have no idea where the past 3 and a half years of my life went. don't even get me started. i will reminice when the time comes. but not now.

so that's it. just 6 more weeks. of unbareably long classes. lectures that never seem to end. pages of powerpoints. marginal notes out the wazoo. highlighting in all colors of the rainbow. days and nights of studying. quizzes. tests. loopiness. dance party study breaks to "shots". lots of coffee. and redbull. even more laughter. and possibly, some tears. but in 6 weeks, i'll have made it. it's all down hill from here.

a lot has happened in the last 3 and a half years.
life has been crazy. crazy good, and crazy bad.

but,
shit happens.
heartache happens.
failure happens.
laughter happens.
success happens.
joy happens.


and then when you least expect it, love happens.

yes, i have made it. i have come full circle, and it feels so good.

Being you matters.

"You may be the only Bible someone ever reads" the speaker said as I sat among hundreds of other Messiah College students in chapel one Tuesday morning.

It was my freshman year of college and I remember loathing chapel. Don't get me wrong, I was all about having Jesus time. I just wanted to do it on my own terms. The thought of someone forcing me to attend a certain amount of chapels for chapel credit angered me to no end. I usually sat in chapel, like so many others, doing homework, texting my friends from across the room, and trying not to fall asleep. But for some reason, this morning, I decided to listen.

I remember thinking to myself, "Wow, how sad, but true". Messiah College is a Christian college (if you couldn't already tell from the name). They preach community and love and other Christiany things. It didn't take long for me to become deaf to it all. It was monotonous, boring, and nothing I hadn't heard before (not to mention pretty hypocritical considering how un-Christian some 'Christian' people at Messiah acted). Regardless, the speaker caught my attention. I couldn't tell you in detail what he/she talked about, but I have always remembered the above quote, and probably will for the rest of my life.

People have tried to tell me how a Christian should act since I gave my life to Christ my junior year of high school. Rules, regulations, do's, don'ts, should, shouldn'ts. It's hard when you're a baby Christian to decipher what is truth, and what is tradition. Some people believe in some things so strongly simply because that's what their parents believe, or what the members of their congregation believe, or what their pastor believes. My faith has been challenged, ridiculed, stretched, and strenghtened in ways I never thought possible the past few years.

What I have learned more than anything about being a 'Christian' has less to do with rules and do's/don'ts, and more to do with simply being true to myself. God made me. He made me the exact way He wanted to. I'm not perfect, but God thoughtfully and carefully assembled me. My every thought. My every emotion. My every curve. My stubborness. My compassion. My determination. My (sometimes inappropriate) humor. EVERYTHING. I am whole and complete and perfect in His eyes. I don't have to DO or BE anything for Him. I am me, and for Him, that's already enough.

A dear friend of mine recently told me how by just being me, I encouraged him to change. (I know, I don't quite comprehend it either!) But seriously, I was brought to tears. Again, I am not perfect. I do not always make the right decisions or say the right things or do what I should. But God is in my heart. God HAS my heart. He's got plans bigger than I can comprehend. He has a purpose for EVERYTHING. Every friendship. Every mistake. Every success.

I knew this friend was put in my life for a reason but I didn't know why. At first I tried really hard to figure it out. I tried to poke and pry my way into his life (bless his little soul). But then, I let go. "Okay God, you've got this" I said. And then I just went on with my life. And that's when God really began to use me, unsuspectingly He used everyday me to help someone else. I am no one. But God made me someone.

There's so much more I could say, but I won't. I will simply remind you to be you. Never underestimate the power you have to effect another human being. To change someone. To love someone. To make a lasting impact.

So go on. Change the world. Be you.