When life gives you lemons...

...make lemonade.

...ask for salt and tequila.

...keep them because hey: free lemons!

...find the kid with the papercut.

...blame Adam and Eve for eating all the good fruit.

...duck.

you've heard it all, right? so why when something so unexpected happens in our lives does it come as such a surprise? the only sure thing in life IS change. we all know this. we've all experienced it. not only that, but we've all survived it. sure, it might have been a painful process, but you're still here right?

it would sound cliche of me to say, be thankful. because the truth is, it could be worse. it could always be worse. no one wants to hear it, let alone admit it, but that doesn't mean it isn't true.

bad things happen to good people. friends will disappoint us. those we love will let us down. people lie. cheat. steal. manipulate. life is unfair sometimes. it's complicated. it often times doesn't make sense. so when life gives us lemons (because it WILL at some point in time throw them your way), what do we do?

cliche as it is, lemonade won't solve world hunger. or a broken heart. or an illness.

i don't have an answer.

i'm sure i could come up with some genious explination or funny catch phrase if i tried hard enough, but after the kind of weekend i had, i got nothin'. except this...

i was at the gym saturday doing squats next to an older gentleman. he looked like he was in his 70s and had a nice tan glow to him. he kind of reminded me of a younger (and less creepy) Hugh Hefner. our eyes met and we exchanged smiles. i decided to walk over to him.

"what's your secret?" I asked.
he stared at me blankly. i wasn't sure if it was because of the horrible aroma i was exuding, or if he genuinely wasn't sure where i was going with it.

"what's your secret to being so fit?" I asked in more detail.

i had hoped he understood what i meant without adding "at your age" to the end of my question.

"just keep going" he said smiling at me.

i stood there thinking about what he had said. it probably didn't mean that much to him, but it did to me. i smiled to myself and thought, "now isn't that the secret of life".

i don't have all the answers. all i know is when my friends hurt, i hurt. sometimes i make stupid decisions, and the consequences aren't always fun. learning the hard way really is hard. but life happens. lemons happen.

what you do with them, well that's up to you. we all find ways to cope. the important thing is that we keep going.

I'm coming home.

By no means do I claim to be a P-Diddy fan or follower, but his song "Coming Home" came on the radio this morning on my way to church (which I haven't attended in months, by the way) and it struck something deep within me. The chorus goes as such:

I’m coming home
I’m coming home
Tell the World I’m coming home
Let the rain wash away all the pain of yesterday
I know my kingdom awaits and they’ve forgiven my mistakes
I’m coming home, I’m coming home
Tell the World that I’m coming

Home is such a complex concept. I mean, really, what--or where--is home? If you asked someone to describe what they would define as being home, it certainly wouldn't be the same as the next person. It's different to everyone. Some people call home the place they were born and raised. For others, who may have been subjected to moving every couple of years growing up for a parents job might call home their favorite place they lived. For others still, home is simply where they are surrounded by friends and family, regardless of location. Regardless of what, or where, home is, when we tell someone we're going home there is an unspoken understanding that it is a place of peace, joy, and comfort.

There's a story about going home in the Bible. It's the story of the prodigal son. I'll give you a quick summary, in case you've never heard of it. A father has two sons--the younger of the two asks his father for his inheritance, so the father gives it to him. The son then proceeds to pack up all of his things and leave his home with his new found inheritance, and spends all the money his father had given him in a foreign and distant land. He ends up so broke that he takes a job tending to fields and cleaning up after pigs, becoming so hungry he is willing to eat the pigs food (and i'm not talking about bacon). He decides he has had enough of living this way and rather be a slave to his own father, therefore he heads home. The scripture reads,

"When he was still a long way off, his father saw him. His heart pounding, he ran out, embraced him, and kissed him. The son began to say, 'Father, I've sinned against God, I've sinned against you, and I don't deserve to be called your son ever again'. But the father wasn't listening. He was calling to the servants, 'Quick, bring a clean set of clothes and dress him...get the finest pig we have to roast him...we're going to have a feast! My son is here--given up for dead and now alive! Given up for lost and now found!"
--Luke 15:20-24

This story has a much deeper and personal meaning to me than a lot of people. In many ways, it is MY story.  "When he was still a long way off, his father SAW him", as if he were deliberately standing on the front porch pacing back and forth wondering when his son might return home. "His heart pounding, he ran out, embraced him, and kissed him", can you imagine a better 'welcome home' than that? And as the son stood there being welcomed back to a place he just up and left without regard to the friends or family he left behind, he begins apologizing. "BUT THE FATHER WASN'T LISTENING", wait, what? Did you catch that? His dad couldn't have cared less about what he did or didn't have to say. His son was home. His pride and joy, his world, his baby boy, had finally returned home--NOTHING ELSE MATTERED.

I haven't been paying much attention to God the last few months. Not like I should be. I walked into church this morning not knowing what to expect. Would I feel guilty? Would God begin telling me off? Would people know I hadn't been to church in months and wonder why all of a sudden I decided to go? Would they know I didn't really belong? Who was I, an outsider, to try and pretend to be one of them? A sinner among saints. A crimson stain among the snow.

And then came a still soft voice.

"Welcome home".

And like the prodigal son I thought, but I'm so unworthy. I am SO unworthy to be called your daughter. But He didn't listen. "I've missed you, and I've never stopped loving you. I KNEW you'd come home"

Home can mean a lot of things. It can be a place, people, or memories, and it's different for everyone. But there is one Home we all have in common. One Home where we will always be welcome. No matter how long it's been, or how far we've strayed, our Dad waits for us to come Home.

It's time for some changes. It's time for letting go. It's time for me to go home.

Life calls.

It's been awhile. The to-do lists finally caught up with me, (more like chased me down and roughed me up a little bit). My Spring semester of my junior year has offically begun. Nursing has once again, consumed my life. It's only day 4. Dear Lord Baby Jesus, help me.

I'm sure there will be many times I will kick and fuss and wine and complain about how much work I have and how much I wish I had a break throughout the semester, but the truth of it is, I love Nursing. I cannot imagine myself doing absolutely anything else in the entire world. And THAT keeps me going. For whatever CRAZY reason, God has put a passion for working with people in my heart, and there's not much I can do about it. Other than to relentlessly keep pushing forward despite the fact that at times everything in me wants to simply give up. But I can't, because something deeper within drives me. Sometimes crazy.

I have continued to be blessed in many ways. I've had some pretty special people come into my life. Some friends, and some more than friends. We'll leave it at that, simply because I like to keep parts of my life a secret. Bottom line is this--these people, they make me happy. Really happy. They encourage me, uplift me, challenge me, and they've changed me. You know who you are. You're loved. A lot.

I've also had some pretty amazing oppertunities thrown my way. A few weeks ago I found out I was accepted for an externship at Hershey Medical Center in the PICU/PIMU (pediatric intensive care unit/medical unit for you non-medical people). There were over 800 some applicants hospital-wide, and I competed against 15 other students in my unit for one of four spots. Monday of this week, I found out that I was accepted for an externship at Mayo Clinic in MN in the pediatric oncology unit. They recieved over 1,100 applicants, and I was one of 110 that got picked. aoifeja;oeijfaweioj! Needless to say, it was EXTREMELY overwhelming. Never in my WILDEST dreams did I imagine getting the oppertunity to study at such a prestegious medical facility. I was also offered an interview for an externship at UPMC in Pittsburgh, but polietly declined considering I had already been offered two wonderful oppertunities.

I have a lot to think about and I am diligently praying as to which oppertunity I'd like to take advantage of. Both are equally wonderful, and I'm honored to have been given a chance at either one. I will keep you posted on my decision.

More blessings...one of my best college friends is getting pregnanter by the day. I know that's not a word, but it's true. She is absolutely beautiful and I cannot wait to meet her little girl. I call her Adilyn Grace, but a name has yet to be decided. Not only is she expecting a baby girl, but she's getting married at the beginning of August and has asked me to be a bridesmaid. I am beyond thrilled. This girl means the world to me, and I know she's going to make the most wonderful wife and mother.

Right now I have the flu. I can't say it's much of a blessing, but it's been a good reminder that my body needs rest. I've been training just about every day for the last couple of months for an event I'm doing in April. I put a lot of stress on myself to perform well and get frusterated when the numbers on the scale don't show improvement. I've been told by many, who care deeply about me, that I need to rest, but I'm stubborn and don't listen very well. I think having the flu is God's way of saying--chill out. So, I am.

I will spend tonight the same way I have spent the past few Thursday nights. Cuddled up beside a dear friend watching the Jersey Shore. It doesn't get much better than this. (Except maybe if snooks were here).